This is EXCELLENT — probably THE clearest description I’ve ever read of “little-t” trauma, how it becomes our subconscious script, and how our caregivers’ scripts impact us. Masterfully done.
I remember starting therapy in 2019, embarrassed because what I felt (anxiety 11/10, self-esteem 1/10) didn’t feel proportionate to my “experience” (no war zones, house, “I love you” — exactly as you described).
This is the article I needed then. Thank you for writing it for everyone who needs it now. (That is… for everyone. 🤍)
I love how beautifully and elegantly you’ve laid this out. For the past 11 years I’ve been working with people to help them release trauma. As I helped them with their experiences, a mirror was reflecting back own formative years, which I never connected with trauma. Dysfunctional, sure. But whose family doesn’t have dysfunction somewhere? Then I learned a key piece of events being coded as trauma is inescapability. That applies to childhood for all of us, right? Those dark, scary nights listening to mom and dad fighting, putting holes in the walls? No escape possible. The hours long lectures on how I’m not measuring up by an inebriated, angry father who wanted the best for me but didn’t know how to show it? No escape possible. MUD for sure. So many misguided, unconscious decisions.
Yes, exactly. I found it critical to stop using the term trauma in my work. Everyone has MUD, not everyone has trauma. Even more interesting, it is not the trauma, but rather the drama. In others words, it is not what happened to people, but the story they tell about what happened to them.
Wonderful piece, thank you! I’ve been doing work on overcoming conditioning and becoming a better me for a number of years now. I hadn’t fully grasped how I’d changed until just recently, when I returned to my parent’s house to help care for my father and he goes through the dying process. It’s been eye opening.
Once one learns WHO created the trauma, and WHY it was done...
One then has to make the CHOICE to release the control or influence that person or situation has over them...
One need refuse to surrender, refuse to allow someone or something from the past to control your reality in today
If not, often one can choose to BLAME and victimize the self.
Subconsciously use that incident as the REASON for all one's emotional shortcomings of today...
One then, chooses to NEVER rinses off the mud
One becomes a permanent self-made mud -covered victim.
Many seem to get comfortable in the warmth of the mud
instead of choosing to wash it off, they choose to continue to wallow in the situation from the past to define themselves for today as
(VICTIMS).
They have surrendered the 'control' of their emotions to an incident or person in the past and wallowing in the mud which can become self- pity and the old ' you don't understand' trope..
It seems unfair that most psychologists/ psychotherapists to allow this self- pity and continued self- victimization.
It seems better to suggest to refuse to allow the perpetrators from the past to CONTROL the person's self image of today.
Perhaps we need
categorize the situation as happened, and over and one is either moving away from it's control or allowing it to control the person
one needs to choose to refuse to let the inflictions ( innocent or not) from the past to continue to CONTROL the thoughts in the present.
Otherwise aren't they STILL SURRENDERING to the perps/ situation?
Great article that really hit home with me. I’ve been very reluctant, even denying that I experienced any Trauma. Too big of a word for me to be comfortable with, and combined with my belief that we can change our beliefs and not be a victim anymore, I just didn’t want to go there. But MUD?? Wow. Totally. I know what my mud is but I don’t know exactly how it came about? Is that important to even know and understand ( where it came from)? Or are the reasons not important? Because in the end it’s all about changing your beliefs. But easier said than done! I struggle. I’m an addict. Not with drugs or alcohol but with carbs and sugar. A serious addict that can keep it under control, until I can’t. I need help with my MUD.
Think of MUD like deep psychological knots that tangle the perspectives you have about yourself and the world. the work we do at Next Level Human is untying these knots. To answer your question, no. It is not always important to know exactly what the MUD is. In fact, we do not really form full memories regarding life until around the age of 4. Much of our MUD has already formed. While you will not always know the exact memories and mechanisms of how and why MUD formed, you'll be able to spot it through patterns. That is what is essentially what we doat next level human. Feel free to message me directly if you would like to learn more. Or you can get on our waiting list here: http://www.nextlevelhuman.com/human-coaching
This is EXCELLENT — probably THE clearest description I’ve ever read of “little-t” trauma, how it becomes our subconscious script, and how our caregivers’ scripts impact us. Masterfully done.
I remember starting therapy in 2019, embarrassed because what I felt (anxiety 11/10, self-esteem 1/10) didn’t feel proportionate to my “experience” (no war zones, house, “I love you” — exactly as you described).
This is the article I needed then. Thank you for writing it for everyone who needs it now. (That is… for everyone. 🤍)
💪🏽❤️
I love how beautifully and elegantly you’ve laid this out. For the past 11 years I’ve been working with people to help them release trauma. As I helped them with their experiences, a mirror was reflecting back own formative years, which I never connected with trauma. Dysfunctional, sure. But whose family doesn’t have dysfunction somewhere? Then I learned a key piece of events being coded as trauma is inescapability. That applies to childhood for all of us, right? Those dark, scary nights listening to mom and dad fighting, putting holes in the walls? No escape possible. The hours long lectures on how I’m not measuring up by an inebriated, angry father who wanted the best for me but didn’t know how to show it? No escape possible. MUD for sure. So many misguided, unconscious decisions.
Yes, exactly. I found it critical to stop using the term trauma in my work. Everyone has MUD, not everyone has trauma. Even more interesting, it is not the trauma, but rather the drama. In others words, it is not what happened to people, but the story they tell about what happened to them.
Almost exactly what I shared in a note yesterday: https://substack.com/@nicolavitkovich/note/c-104029849?r=2l8pxn&utm_medium=ios&utm_source=notes-share-action
Love when that happens. ;-) thank you for your work.
I’ve been following you since 2011 and The Metabolic Effect Diet (I was a personal trainer back then).
Human 365 and a cup of coffee ☕️ have been a regular feature in my mornings since 2021.
Your work has improved my life in many ways. Thank YOU. 🙏
Thank you for sharing that Nicola. Sounds like we have both been on quite the journey. xo
Wonderful piece, thank you! I’ve been doing work on overcoming conditioning and becoming a better me for a number of years now. I hadn’t fully grasped how I’d changed until just recently, when I returned to my parent’s house to help care for my father and he goes through the dying process. It’s been eye opening.
How appropriate, mud, we are ‘fashioned from clay’ and dust to dust after we die, very earthy. Love it. Great post thankyou.
Yep, guess no family is perfect...
Washing that durn mud off may take a lifetime,
it's part of becoming one's own person..
Makes us who we are, and helps us decide who we want to be...
Everyone is subject to this reality...
Is any family perfect?
Jade,
Once one learns WHO created the trauma, and WHY it was done...
One then has to make the CHOICE to release the control or influence that person or situation has over them...
One need refuse to surrender, refuse to allow someone or something from the past to control your reality in today
If not, often one can choose to BLAME and victimize the self.
Subconsciously use that incident as the REASON for all one's emotional shortcomings of today...
One then, chooses to NEVER rinses off the mud
One becomes a permanent self-made mud -covered victim.
Many seem to get comfortable in the warmth of the mud
instead of choosing to wash it off, they choose to continue to wallow in the situation from the past to define themselves for today as
(VICTIMS).
They have surrendered the 'control' of their emotions to an incident or person in the past and wallowing in the mud which can become self- pity and the old ' you don't understand' trope..
It seems unfair that most psychologists/ psychotherapists to allow this self- pity and continued self- victimization.
It seems better to suggest to refuse to allow the perpetrators from the past to CONTROL the person's self image of today.
Perhaps we need
categorize the situation as happened, and over and one is either moving away from it's control or allowing it to control the person
one needs to choose to refuse to let the inflictions ( innocent or not) from the past to continue to CONTROL the thoughts in the present.
Otherwise aren't they STILL SURRENDERING to the perps/ situation?
100%
I agree. This is part of the process I believe
Thanks!
Great article that really hit home with me. I’ve been very reluctant, even denying that I experienced any Trauma. Too big of a word for me to be comfortable with, and combined with my belief that we can change our beliefs and not be a victim anymore, I just didn’t want to go there. But MUD?? Wow. Totally. I know what my mud is but I don’t know exactly how it came about? Is that important to even know and understand ( where it came from)? Or are the reasons not important? Because in the end it’s all about changing your beliefs. But easier said than done! I struggle. I’m an addict. Not with drugs or alcohol but with carbs and sugar. A serious addict that can keep it under control, until I can’t. I need help with my MUD.
Think of MUD like deep psychological knots that tangle the perspectives you have about yourself and the world. the work we do at Next Level Human is untying these knots. To answer your question, no. It is not always important to know exactly what the MUD is. In fact, we do not really form full memories regarding life until around the age of 4. Much of our MUD has already formed. While you will not always know the exact memories and mechanisms of how and why MUD formed, you'll be able to spot it through patterns. That is what is essentially what we doat next level human. Feel free to message me directly if you would like to learn more. Or you can get on our waiting list here: http://www.nextlevelhuman.com/human-coaching