You Don’t Attract What You Want—You Attract What You Tolerate
If you keep finding yourself in draining, confusing, or unfulfilling relationships, the problem isn’t them—it’s what you’re allowing. The key to upgrading your connections? Honoring your own energy fi
The Energies We Choose: Understanding Ourselves Before Engaging with Others
There’s a lot of talk about toxic people and bad energy. About how we need to protect ourselves from people who drain us, confuse us, or hold us back. But here’s the truth almost no one talks about: the first step isn’t to focus on them—it’s to focus on you.
If you don’t know yourself—your boundaries, your patterns, your emotional tolerances—then you won’t know how to navigate the energy of others. You won’t recognize unhealthy dynamics for what they are. And worse, you might even invite them in, mistaking familiarity for alignment.
Self-Awareness is the First Gatekeeper
Over the past year, I was caught in a situationship with a close friend. It was mostly friendship, with an undercurrent of romantic energy that never quite materialized into anything physical. The energy between us ebbed and flowed—sometimes inviting, sometimes distant. And I tolerated it. Not just tolerated it, but actively participated in it, assuming that because I enjoyed their presence, I should accept the uncertainty.
At first, it was fun. Exciting, even. But over time, the ambiguity became draining. The inconsistency started to take a toll. And yet, who was responsible for that? Not my friend. Me.
I allowed it. I stayed in it. I made excuses for it. I didn’t set clear boundaries. And the longer I entertained the situation, the more my energy drained. Not because of them, but because of my own lack of clarity.
And as soon as I disconnected? As soon as I finally made the choice to clear that energy from my life? More elevated, mature romantic opportunities immediately appeared.
This is not coincidence. This is a pattern.
You Get What You Tolerate
It’s easy to look outward and blame the people who drain us. To label others as toxic, avoidant, or unreliable. But if we keep engaging with those people, we need to ask a harder question:
Why do we allow it?
This isn’t just about romantic relationships. It’s about friendships, business relationships, and even family dynamics. Every connection in your life is a reflection of what you are allowing.
The harsh truth? If you don’t have standards, life will set them for you. And life’s default setting? Chaos.
So ask yourself:
What kind of energy do I allow into my life?
What patterns keep repeating in my relationships?
Where am I blaming others instead of taking responsibility?
What am I tolerating that I shouldn’t be?
Because if it’s your problem, then it’s your solution.
The Shift: Choosing Your Energetic Standards
Energy doesn’t lie. If you keep feeling drained, anxious, or confused in a dynamic, that’s your body telling you something. And yet, most people ignore it because change feels harder than staying in what’s familiar.
But the moment you take radical responsibility for your energy, everything shifts.
Here’s what that looks like:
Defining your non-negotiables. What energies do you refuse to entertain?
Setting boundaries early. If something feels off, address it—don’t wait.
Choosing clarity over chaos. If someone’s energy is inconsistent, don’t try to fix it—remove yourself.
Trusting that better exists. Once you clear old patterns, you create space for new ones.
The minute I let go of that situationship, my reality shifted. New, aligned people entered my life effortlessly. Why? Because I finally stopped tolerating confusion and started demanding clarity—from myself first, and then from others.
You don’t attract what you want—you attract what you are willing to entertain.
Your Energy, Your Responsibility
This isn’t about being cold, ruthless, or cutting people off at the first sign of difficulty. It’s about knowing yourself so deeply that you don’t waste time in situations that drain you.
If you want elevated relationships, friendships, and connections, start with one simple rule:
Honor your own energy first.
Because once you do, the right people will rise to meet you.
PS: If you’re tired of repeating the same relationship patterns and ready to elevate your life, check out my Next Level Human coaching program. Let’s clear what’s been holding you back. 👉 www.nextlevelhuman.com/human-coaching
Love this, thank you