The Universe Is Brutal (And It’s Always Right)
Why life keeps tearing things apart— Surrendering puts you exactly where you need to be.
Costa Rica, Surrender, and the Lessons I Didn’t Know I Needed
This month, I am in Costa Rica.
Costa Rica is my healing place—my escape, my writing retreat, my yearly pilgrimage to recharge, reflect, and reset. Every February, I come here to sit with my thoughts, spend time with family, and let life slow down just enough for me to hear what it’s been trying to tell me.
But this year, it felt different.
The past 12 months had been brutal.
At the beginning of last year, I was dating the most lovely woman—someone I truly adored. But life had other plans. She moved away, I hit financial struggles, and the weight of timing and circumstance took its toll.
I missed her deeply, and yet, somehow, we both knew it was okay. We were learning. Growing. Becoming.
And then—right as that relationship began to dissolve—another romantic dynamic entered my life.
This one wasn’t physical. It was emotional.
A close friend—someone I’d shared countless hours with on couches, in saunas, and on long walks—was splitting from her husband. Over time, she began to wonder: What if we were more than friends?
At first, I dismissed it. But slowly, I allowed myself to surrender to the possibility.
And this woman actually came to Costa Rica with me.
I wasn’t chasing anything. I wasn’t forcing anything. I was simply letting life unfold.
And then, all at once, it became crystal clear—while I loved this human, it was a hell no on the romantic front.
But here’s the thing…
Even though it wasn’t right, it taught me exactly what I needed to learn.
It gave me insights, clarity, and a deeper understanding of myself. And the moment I embraced that lesson, new doors started opening everywhere.
At the exact same time, my business was unfolding in the exact same way—a little nudge here, a misstep there, a failure, a success, and then… the inevitable, shitty, unexpected smack in the face.
And yet, every single moment was delivering me to something greater.
That’s when it hit me: this is how I operate.
Ever since turning 40, I have slowly mastered what I can only describe as spiritual tai chi—a kind of psychological Taoism where I no longer fight life. I let it move through me. I surrender to the process.
And because of that surrender, I always end up exactly where I need to be.
We love to believe that if we just work hard enough, want something badly enough, or strategize perfectly, we’ll get exactly what we desire.
But what if that’s not how it works?
What if life doesn’t give you what you want—it gives you what you need?
What if your only job is to trust that process, to take what’s given, and to use it in the most authentic way possible?
Declaring What You Want—Without Attachment
Here’s the paradox most people don’t understand: You can’t control life, but you can declare what you want.
The key? You have to do it from a place of deep authenticity, without attachment to specifics.
In my business, I knew what I wanted:
"I wanted my business to sell so I could go do this other thing."
That was the declaration.
But life had different plans.
Metabolic.com didn’t sell. It collapsed. My business partners and I got pushed out. It was messy. Brutal. Unfair. And at the time, it felt like the opposite of what I wanted.
But looking back? It was perfect.
Because if the business had sold, I would have been too comfortable. I would have lingered. I wouldn’t have had the urgency, the fear, and the fire I needed to build what I truly wanted.
Life didn’t give me what I thought I wanted. It gave me what I needed to learn the lesson, gain the insight, and get my ass moving.
It wasn’t easy. But in hindsight, it was exactly right.
Romance: The Lessons I Didn’t Know I Needed
At the exact same time my business collapsed, my girlfriend moved away.
And just like in business, I was faced with the truth of where I was misaligned.
She didn’t know how to show up for me, and I didn’t know how to ask for what I needed.
Then life threw me another curveball—someone new entered the picture.
At first, I thought this new dynamic was what I wanted. But over time, it became clear: I didn’t actually find that style of romantic energy desirable at all.
That experience gave me clarity. It helped me refine my understanding of what I truly wanted in a partner. And it did something even more profound—it delivered me directly into the space where I could see and recognize the exact relationship I had been looking for all along.
I just didn’t know it until those two previous experiences unfolded.
The Old Me Would Have Fought It
If this had all happened years ago, I would have fought.
I would have clung to my business, tried to salvage it, blamed my partners, or forced a sale.
I would have gripped tightly onto my relationship, made it work no matter what, resisted the shift, and ignored the signs.
I would have done everything in my power to hold onto the illusion of control.
But this time, I surrendered.
Because after enough life lessons, you finally get it:
You are not in control.
Life is always working in your favor—even when it feels like it isn’t.
You will not always get what you think you want, but you will always get exactly what you need.
And that’s a good thing.
Because sometimes, getting what you want would actually keep you stuck.
Sometimes, comfort is the enemy of growth.
And sometimes, life needs to shake your world up, rip things away, and force you into uncertainty—not to hurt you, but to position you for something far better than you could have planned.
Trust. Even When It’s Messy.
If you’re in the middle of something painful right now—if things aren’t going the way you planned—ask yourself this:
What if life is actually giving you exactly what you need?
What if this breakdown is your breakthrough?
What if everything that feels like it’s falling apart is actually falling into place?
I won’t pretend it’s easy. It’s not.
But it’s always perfect.
So trust the process. Even when it’s uncomfortable. Even when it’s terrifying. Even when it looks nothing like what you expected.
Because life never gives you what you want.
It gives you what you need to become who you were meant to be.