Nice Guy or Asshole? Why Neither Wins in the End
The dangerous truth about nice guys, assholes, and why the Next-Level Man transcends them both.
Ever heard the phrase, "Nice guys finish last"? Most people think it’s a way of defending the underdog—the supposedly kind, selfless man who never seems to get what he deserves. But what if I told you that the “nice guy” isn’t the innocent victim he pretends to be? In fact, both the nice guy and the outright asshole share more in common than you think. They may use opposite tactics, but their behavior is rooted in the same fear, need for control, and deep-seated desire for validation.
Both of these personas are self-centered, manipulative, and ultimately dangerous—to themselves and those around them. It’s time to pull back the curtain on the truth behind the nice guy, why the asshole might actually be his shadow twin, and how the Next-Level Human Man is the antidote to both.
The Two Faces of the “Nice Guy”
There’s a reason why “nice guys” never win in the long run, and it has nothing to do with their good deeds or soft nature. Let’s break down the two types of “nice guys”:
1. The Narcissistic, Manipulative Nice Guy
On the surface, this version of the nice guy seems like a saint. He’s overly generous, attentive, and accommodating. He makes it a point to be the “good guy” in everyone’s eyes. But scratch beneath the surface, and you’ll find a man driven by self-interest.
This type of nice guy uses his "goodness" as a currency. He’s nice to get something in return—whether it’s approval, affection, sex, or status. It’s not genuine care or kindness; it’s transactional. If his efforts aren’t rewarded, the mask comes off, and his true colors are revealed. He becomes resentful, bitter, and angry, feeling as though the world owes him something for his niceness.
This is manipulative niceness—niceness as a strategy, not as a virtue. It’s driven by insecurity, a lack of self-worth, and a need for external validation. He’s not genuinely nice; he’s using niceness as a tool to control how people perceive and treat him.
2. The Weak, People-Pleasing Nice Guy
The second type of nice guy isn’t overtly manipulative, but he’s equally problematic. This is the man who is so afraid of rejection and conflict that he bends over backward to please everyone around him. He suppresses his own needs and opinions in the hopes that his relentless niceness will win him approval and love.
This version of the nice guy is weak because he has no boundaries. He sacrifices his own authenticity for the sake of keeping others happy. His niceness is rooted in a fear of confrontation and a deep sense of inadequacy. He’s afraid that if he shows who he truly is, people will reject him.
In both cases, the nice guy’s actions are self-centered. Whether he’s manipulating people to get what he wants or people-pleasing to avoid conflict, his niceness isn’t about genuine care for others—it’s about self-preservation.
The Asshole: A Base-Level Power Play
Now, let’s turn to the asshole. This is the guy who openly rejects niceness in favor of dominance, control, and power. He prides himself on being “real” and “strong.” He’s often dismissive, aggressive, and more than willing to bulldoze others to get what he wants. In many ways, he’s the polar opposite of the nice guy—or so it seems.
But here’s the kicker: the asshole and the nice guy are two sides of the same coin. Both are driven by fear—fear of rejection, fear of loss, fear of inadequacy. While the nice guy hides his fear behind a mask of niceness, the asshole covers his with bravado and aggression. Both are obsessed with control, whether through passive manipulation or outright dominance. Both seek power, status, and validation from others.
The asshole may appear confident, but his behavior is rooted in insecurity. He uses intimidation and dominance as a way to protect himself from vulnerability. Like the nice guy, he’s terrified of being seen for who he really is—weak, uncertain, and afraid.
Why Both Nice Guys and Assholes Are Dangerous
Both the nice guy and the asshole are dangerous—not just to those around them, but to themselves. Their behavior creates toxic dynamics in relationships, where manipulation, resentment, and control take the place of genuine connection and growth.
For the nice guy, the danger is that he slowly erodes his own sense of self by constantly suppressing his needs. He lives a life of resentment, quietly angry that his niceness is never reciprocated in the way he expects. He’s a ticking time bomb, waiting to explode when he feels his efforts have gone unnoticed.
For the asshole, the danger lies in his inability to form real connections. His aggression and dominance alienate him from others, leaving him isolated and unfulfilled. He may achieve short-term success through intimidation, but he’ll never experience the deeper rewards of true connection, purpose, or growth.
The Next-Level Human Man: Compassion, Conviction, and Courage
So, if being a nice guy is weak and manipulative, and being an asshole is aggressive and self-destructive, what’s the alternative?
The Next-Level Human Man is neither a nice guy nor an asshole. He operates on a higher plane—one that’s rooted in compassion, conviction, and courage. He doesn’t seek control or validation from others. Instead, he’s guided by a deeper purpose and a commitment to growth—for himself and for those around him.
Here’s what sets the Next-Level Human Man apart:
1. Compassion: The True Measure of Self-Esteem Compassion is the ultimate indicator of self-worth. When a man is truly solid within himself, he has the emotional space to consider others without sacrificing himself. This is the man who knows how to balance kindness with boundaries. He’s not afraid to be vulnerable, but he also knows how to regulate his emotions and stand firm when necessary.
As I’ve said before, kindness without boundaries is foolishness, but compassion with strength creates a powerful force for good. The Next-Level Human Man can offer care without losing himself, and that makes him strong in a way neither the nice guy nor the asshole will ever understand.
2. Conviction: Believing in Something Greater What truly makes a man good is not his strength or his ability to dominate—it’s what he stands for. A man with conviction believes in something larger than himself, whether that’s family, community, purpose, or a mission. His actions are driven by his commitment to making a meaningful impact.
Jordan Peterson has said, “A good man is not a harmless man. A good man is a dangerous man who has it under control.” But I fundamentally disagree with this view. A man doesn’t need to be dangerous to be good. A man needs conviction. A skinny, physically weak man with deep conviction and courage is far more likely to act in the face of danger than a physically strong man with no moral compass.
Goodness isn’t about physical strength—it’s about mental fortitude and emotional conviction.
3. Courage: The Willingness to Sacrifice Courage is the ability to step up, speak out, and take action in the face of fear. The Next-Level Human Man isn’t driven by a need to prove himself. He acts from a place of self-assurance and is willing to risk discomfort, rejection, or even harm to uphold his convictions and care for others.
The ultimate measure of courage isn’t whether a man can dominate or fight—it’s whether he can stand strong in his values, protect those who need protecting, and live authentically, even when it’s difficult. It’s the courage to be compassionate, even when compassion is mistaken for weakness. It’s the courage to set boundaries, even when people want you to please them. It’s the courage to be vulnerable and honest, rather than manipulative or dominating.
The Asshole and the Nice Guy: Both Finish Last
Here’s the truth: Nice guys and assholes both finish last. They may seem like opposites, but they’re both stuck in a game of control, validation, and fear. The asshole tries to control others through dominance. The nice guy tries to control others through niceness. Neither is truly free, and neither is truly strong.
The Next-Level Human Man is the antidote to both. He’s strong, not because he can hurt others, but because he chooses to help. He’s kind, not because he needs approval, but because he understands the power of compassion. He doesn’t seek validation from others, but instead, focuses on growing himself while uplifting those around him.
This is the man who transcends the limitations of nice guys and assholes alike. He’s not afraid to be who he is, and he doesn’t play games to control or manipulate others. He’s guided by a higher purpose, driven by conviction, and unshaken by fear.
Conclusion: The Antidote to Asshole
It’s time to move beyond the limiting, self-serving tactics of the nice guy and the asshole. Both are rooted in fear, control, and a desperate need for validation. But the Next-Level Human Man doesn’t seek control or approval—he seeks growth.
He is congruent, living in alignment with his purpose. He is courageous, not afraid to be who he is, and willing to sacrifice for the greater good. He is compassionate, balancing care for others with self-respect and boundaries. This is the man who finishes first—not because of power or popularity, but because of what he stands for.
If you want to stop finishing last, it’s time to transcend niceness and dominance, and start living like a Next-Level Human.
Share this article with someone who might be stuck in the cycle of nice guy or asshole—and needs to level up.
This article builds on the Next-Level Human philosophy, helping men break free from fear-based behaviors and step into a life of purpose, compassion, and strength.